I was ready to walk on in the Gospel of John today reading on ahead in chapter 4 and 5 but I find myself since last night stuck in chapter 2. If I had known what was going to happen last night I would have acted and reacted much differently. See, last night I lost control with one of my close students. After years of seeing this child grow in his faith, follow the teachings of Christ through our student ministry, leaders, and other students - who once was a shy child with no friends and the example of every joke possible - turn into a vibrant voice, a witty character, funny as anything at times, alive in coming out of his shell, on fire for God during peak moments in youth ministry..... to see him turn and walk from his faith is a hard thing to swallow. Especially with as much time so many, including myself that have invested in him. Its never easy but life is hard and when life is hard often times we walk and just give up. So much of growing in our faith comes from not getting out of the boat when the waves of life are pounding us from every direction. The waves of desires and personal issues seem to overwhelming to comprehend and gain control over. The waves of not understanding things and not wanting to ask questions or reach out for help from a trusted friend, parent or leader.
The last few months I have stepped up in my direct questions on where his heart was at and where he was deciding to go. Being lazy and not caring about much in life including school work, going to church, what others think - is a tough pit to be swallowed in. So again asking if he was joining us at church or coming to small group or even visiting another church and the answer was "NO" before I even finished the question.... sent me over the edge as I have not been that upset or angry in a very long time and NEVER over a student and their faith.

As I reflect back to John 2: 12-22 - I am reminded the even Jesus lost his cool when it came to the passion in his heart for his father and his church. Lets read that now.....
John 2:12-22- After this he went down to Capernaum wit his mother and brothers and his disciples. There they stayed for a few days. When it was almost time for the Jewish passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts he found men selling cattle, sheep, and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, "Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father's house into a market!"
His disciples remembered that it is written "Zeal for your house will consume me" (Psalms 69:9) Then the Jews demanded of him, "What miraculous sign can you show us to prove your authority to do all this?" Jesus answered them, "Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days." The Jews replied, "It has taken us 46 years to build this temple, and you are going to raise it in 3 days?" But the temple he had spoken of was his body. After he was raised from the dead, his disciples recalled what he had said. Then they believed the scripture and the words that Jesus had spoken.

Jesus was indignant over what he saw and in his rage he cleared out the area in this huge outburst. I can honestly say that my actions where not Christ like, especially in my words, but I have to admit that it shows my heart. I fully know this student understands where I am, the passion for students to know Jesus and to follow him with their lives to the best that they can. I pour myself into them and make so much available in my actions, my words, (except this time) and to see a close student just chose to walk away is hard! He would not give up on wrestling even after a season of losing every single match. He stuck it out - even when losing a match this year and what seemed to be a loss by points, in the last seconds turned his opponent over and pinned him with 4 seconds left in the match for the win - is not giving up. SO why on earth would you just give up and walk away from your faith, the people who are pouring into you with everything they have and the friends that are there willing to walk with you in your faith.
Walking away is sometimes good and I have to admit that I too have done that in my life. But looking back I have always had something to go to. I leave a job, I have had another job to go to. I walk out of situation, I had something better to walk into. When walking away from your faith, you are walking into nothing and with nothing comes the fact that its all up to you.
So often our anger issues build up and its those underlining things that lead us to just quit and walk away. Jesus didnt suppress his anger any more than he exploded with rage that day in the temple. His anger was upfront, out in the open. He responded quickly, positively, and appropriately and then he went on with his business. I see far too many men today with hidden anger built up inside of them. Often leading to drug abuse, addictions with drinking and disengaging from the family. These stored up anger issues lead so many today into prescriptions to control our anxiety and depression.
No matter if its our students, close friends, parents or even ourselves - if we don't deal with our anger issues and bring them to the surface, it will someday, somewhere, somehow come out and express itself in an out of bounds manner.
I pray last night was not a hurtful moment but a moment that reflects the passion in my heart for Christ and for others to know him. Like Jesus clearing the temple because of his passion for his father - mine came out and I cleared the house.
Youth ministry is a calling of extremes. There are days that are never the same. There are students and situations that are never ever the same. I have made mistakes, I have made good choices and have been on the ends of both extremes. Students taking huge leaps of faith fo the things of God as well as students making the worst possible mistakes and choices possible. There is extreme pressure sometimes and that sometimes comes not from others but also from yourself. Extreme hours, emotions, work that never seems to end. Why on earth would anyone want to do this?
Extreme fulfillment. Seeing a student sell their lives out for Christ and living like no other, living with purpose and meaning and others being attracted to that wonderful difference is the most rewarding thing imaginable. Just as Christ walked this earth in skin and flesh - those then didnt understand and follow him them - some will not today. They chose to walk away ....
My point is today - chose to walk away from your old self, clear out YOUR temple and chose to walk with Christ.

Passionate about what I have been called to do. Sometimes I have to let that out. Sorry, but time to move forward and carry on with what I have been called to do. Some stick and some wont. I cant help that...plant the seed and let God set the stage for growth.

Lonnie~