Wow 2 days in a row. This is exciting. I am especially excited for our LOL bible study tonight. Its our last one at the Y in Harrisburg NC. They have been so good to us by giving us the Character room for free for over a year. We started out at Pastor Travis's house for just high school students and it grew out of his living room. They when we added the middle school students, it grew out of my living room and we so needed space to hold a Wed night time together. The room though not that big at the Y has been our home now for over a year. With our last service there tonight, we have been pushing hard to get the students there and get the word out, I went last night and got icecream and the students will make their own sundae's - hey everyone loves icecream - and I have asked miss Kayla to sing while Elijah plays the guitar all wrapped around my message tonight. It should be a lot of fun as we hang out a bit, celebrate all that God is doing and look forward to our church ministry campus the next week.
I can share that though it has been crazy busy and that there are things I need to work on and follow up on, like my Monday night rest and unwind time as well as date night with Carol every other week atleast and also quiet alone time with God - I feel as though I am in a good place with things. I had a conversation this morning with someone who is close to the family but has had a hard time being part of life to someone. I wish I could just say the person but I wont but just know that this student, high school student does not want anything to do with her relative. At least not at this point in her life. Though that hurts this relative, she has tried and tried to do everything to be a part, to reach out to her, to spend time together, sending notes, cards, facebook posts all full of encouragement - it just aint going to happen. At least right now.... in this present season of time.
I honestly felt every single word in her voice. I know that lesson she is learning right now. To step back and give some space. To let things lay for right now and maybe one day in the near or far off future - that seed that was planted will bring fruit. Who is to know but to trust in Gods timing and His ways. He already knows ..... so do what only you can do today.
There are some students who walk away, they pull back and do their own thing. Focusing on the ones that want to stay close, who need to have someone in their life to cheer them on and encourage them and actually want to hear what I have to say and what God has to say through me. That is the amazing part because I never asked for this role or never thought I would be so souled out for God to these teenagers. It happened and it is so much of who I am and what I am.
So it has me thinking this morning as I look down the road of ministry and what that means, the sacrifices that will be made, the time invested, the hurts also that will come and the prayers that will follow as well as lead all this. Gosh its really scary at times. I am being honest. It really is overwhelming at times.
BUT - I believe that I was brought here for who I am, not what I can do. There are better people out there to lead these students, who know God word more than I do, who have a heart also for teenagers, who want to pass on the Word of Christ to the next generation - but I can't focus on that. I have to focus on what I am called to do and living through WHO I am. I must be a leader out of my character. My character is makes me who I am and in leading others - I have to lead through my character. I must lead these students out of my character. I know there has to be balance and I continue to ask God to show me that, what does it look like, how do I do it, and help me not put this ministry and these students faith above my own. Without you and my relationship with you being the most important how can I do lead them? I really do love each of them and I want to be there to listen to them and do what little I can sometimes to help them and show them the way while showing them Christ and the only way I can do that is to lead them out of my fullness.
Proverbs 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.

Kyle finished his wrestling season this past year year only wrestling in one match. Though he lost, it was a great experience and one that he gave all he had. I think about all the times he had practice, he showed up and spent his heart on that mat, being a team player and learning and sweating and honestly - he is probably as good if not better than some of the other students on the team. On those wrestling days though, he really wasnt on the team. He and a bunch of others sat in the stands and not with the team. He kinda feels like he is part of the team, he is on the sidelines most of the time, he gives it is all during practice and has bruises and hurt body parts to go with it. I think a lot of times, our youth ministry leaders feel the same way. They look the part, they feel like they are part of the team, they participate like they are leading, students enjoy them and talk with them .... but their heart is not fully there. Kyle didnt have any outward meaningful outcome to the wrestling team season even though he was right there in the middle of everything.
Our spiritual lives have to be the top spot in our ministries. Our walk with Christ has to be first and then in our overflow - give that to others. Without spiritual health we wont make it. I wont make it and I have come to realize that when my spiritual walk is lower than when it should be, the things student say, their comments and the things they do really bother me. They bring me down. I have lost so many nights sleep over something that this person did, or said or treated me .... I can't even explain it. But when I am full of Christ's message and walking close in my journey with him - those things dont bother me as much, the painful arrows of discouragement seem to bounce off a little more easily. My mind and thoughts are higher and not hanging onto every word they share or the things that they do. I can handle situation with more grace than ever before and I can love them out of my heart like I should be doing all the time - love them like Christ loves them.
Attending church, small group time, bible study, quiet time, all of those things are great but its not a check box. Its not personal time alone with Christ - that needs to happen for a few reasons.
* time to thank Him - who doesnt thank their father for gifts and love?
* time to share with God your problems and issues and seek Gods heart
* time to lift others to God
* time to just be in Gods presence and just have some personal time with him

Service to any ministry should never come at the expense of your own personal spiritual walk with Christ. God is concerned more about your being than your doing.

I can honestly say - that is where I am today. It is so awesome right now as I look at Carol. She has had a long dry season in the desert with her faith and in her walk. Right now that season is full bloom and on the move. She is invigorated again with the things of Christ, she is reading, writing, taking notes, and showing others her heart. I love where God has her right now and her walk makes my walk easier, her encouragement is REAL, and the love that God has placed in her heart is reaching others around her. It shows, it has its own language as it speaks volumes to all those around her. Proud of you Carol .... keep your eyes focused on Christ and keep that heart reaching to His.....

Heart healthy,
Lonnie~