February 23rd.

The date for some have huge significance. Its a day that will be forever on our hearts and minds. Its a day of choice really. A choice in remembering the tough dark moments and the loss that we all experienced or we can chose to remember the good and glorious moments of wonderful life and a story that ended with Christ and heaven.
Its really up to us. That season of time in 2006 unraveled the toughest pain in my life. There are few fewer hurts than losing a mom. Cancer is a mean and ugly word but one we have to live with. And living with is something Christ has called us to do. He is bigger than cancer and is bigger than our problems and bigger than some medical report.
This day is tough but chosing to remember the good - The I Promise - on a napkin, the long talks of heaven and you touching your big toe on heavens floor, the ministry of talking to all those hurting in the family, the days of being awake, the long rides from Mt. Airy to Harrisburg where I dont remember any of it, the long talks with Sharon and Patty, the heart conversations with Craig, Danny and pops.... I choose to remember those moments Lord.
Pastor Rick Warren said this morning, "There is no faith without a struggle."

Mom your struggle has made my faith where it is today. Faith is believing in the things we cant see but know will happen. Walking this life living by what we see is easy. As I think back just a few years ago while at the beach, I was at a place in my walk that it was time to either step up or step out. God had done amazing things in my life and had walked with me through some tough things. He was calling me to step up in my ministry, in my presense to a family, and me obeying what he was calling me to do to step up into student ministry. I remember seeing the tide that day and not knowing what was to come. I had no idea where to start and looking back, it was exactly where God wanted me to be. I had to lean on him in order to move forward. As the tide goes out, they soon come back in. There are seasons in life where things are hard and the valleys are deep. Those are the seasons that God builds our faith. Pain is a great motivator and attention getter. Its easy to follow Christ when everything is good, when we are healthy, when the kids are on the honor roll and colleges are calling for a full ride. Its easy to follow when you are at a place where God just shows up in everything you do and in everything you say.

Mark 5:35-42 - While Jesus was still speaking, some men came from house of Jairus, the synagogue ruler. "Your daughter is dead," they said. "Why bother the teacher any more?" Ignoring what they said, "Dont be afraid; just believe." He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brotherof James. When they came to the home of the synagogue ruler, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. He went in and said them, "Why all this commotion and wailing" The child is not dead but asleep." But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child's father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said to her, "little girl, I say to you, get up!" Immediately the girl stood up and walked around, she was 12 years old. At this they were completely astonished.

I remember the cold morning that my mom had passed. It was the last of a few days on egg shells knowing that mom was close. My aunt Sharon and Uncle Buster leaving late that evening before, making me promise that I would call if anything happened. I know they knew it would be in the next few hours. My brothers and I in the living room and my dad in with mom. Dad come in and said, she is gone. Jesus while speaking some men came to the house where he was at. The news saying that the mans daughter was dead. Jesus did something that most people dont do when a tough decision is to be made. He ignored them. He did what he was going to do. He said - Dont be afraid; just believe. - I can honestly say that this season of time there was no fear. God had pressed on my heart early on that he would heal my mom, just not in the way I wanted it. He pressed on me that my eyes and heart had to be open during this time in order to receive the blessing that I would receive. Not knowing what on earth that meant, I trusted God and followed him. God put me in so many positions to minister to my family and my moms friends. He put me in the path of faith to minister to my mom and talk about life, heaven, Jesus, and all that was on her heart. He put me on the path to be able to say prayer after prayer after prayer for my dad to know Christ so that "I Promise" on that napkin one day will come true for my mom. I promise when said today is a tough place for me and one I hold very close. As I accepted the step up on that beach that morning to rise to do what God was calling me to do. I promise came from my heart to Morgan and Taylor but also all those who he would put in my heart. A promise is a promise and the words - Dont be afraid; just believe is rest assurance today that God in all the big picture knew exactly what was happening.
As my mom was rolled out of the house, friends, family all crying and upset. It was sunrise that morning. Not dark but not yet light. Its when the earth seems to stand still and time seems to stop for a few moments. Birds began to sing, oh how my mom loved the birds. It brought her such peace even on those cold winter days. I had a sense of peace on me. It was like saying through those moments that she was ok. The next few days were hard. Funeral and the wake brought many tears. Pastor Jimmy told Carol and I after the funeral that it was the sweetest funeral he had ever been a part of.
Jesus went in to see the little girl. He put everyone out of the house. He spoke life into the little girl and she woke. Mom got to experience that on the 23rd of Feb 5 years ago. All in one day, stepping from this world into heaven.
When you have faith and trust in Jesus - this season of time you will be astonished. Though hard and life has its painful things, its faith that gets you through. People of no faith dont understand it because they live a life of what they can see.
We all get to choose how much God blesses us in life. My moms life was a blessing. She lived life full and even though it was shorter than we all wanted. It was FULL nonetheless. She loved Christ, she loved people, she carried worry and other peoples burdens on her shoulders because that was the kind of lady she was.
Faith is believing before you receive. Its easy to have faith afterwards. But if you eyes, hearts and willingness to the things of God before hand, you will experience Him.

Mom, I hope I am making you proud today. Sometimes it feels like you are so far away and time goes by without feeling you at all. Other times like a few weeks ago I felt you so close and I dont know why. Last Friday night while on my walk at the cabin was just unreal. Looking up at the stars you spoke words of faith and encouragement into me mom. It was such an unbelievable moment with you that I have not yet experienced. God surely has you in a great place. One day, that sun will rise and our mornings over coffee and conversation C&C will take place again. I look forward to that day. Until then, I will press on sharing Christ to all those willing to listen and walk with me. Though some may go, that part of ministry hurts the most, but for those that stay will know that part of you lives in me.
I am choosing to remember this day mom as a good day, though hard and I am in the office with tears running down my face but my heart is over flowing with joy. Preaching tonight mom on integrity to 30 or so teenagers and handful of leaders. Something you knew a lot about.

Miss you bunches - especially your smile and your laugh and who could ever forget your biscuits and gravy..... that really makes me smile.

Love you always,
Randy~