Got a coffee early today and a tall one to boot. Dragging a little this afternoon. Had a good visit with my brother yesterday. I fully believe he in time will get back to life again. It was hard being at the hospital there in Winston knowing that my mom in 2005 was in a room with the same view, with the same weather, with the same smells and feel of just being in a dreaded place - especially for the holidays. After the nurse came in and yelled at him for not doing what he is supposed to be doing, like getting up and walking, I got him up for 3 laps around the nurses station. He has not had many visitors and that alone probably has him down some - it does me. I can't imagine not having people in my life who would do anything in the world for me. I am praying that this season and this experience changes for him. I saw a different person yesterday and one who wants to do things over in life. A person who wants to make things right with those in his life. In many ways, he is getting that chance - a second chance so to speak but in reality it might be a much higher number than that. We should be very thankful that God never gives up on us and always is willing to forgive, forget and look to the future. I try and see "mykids" that way especially - I cant harp on the times that they let me or their parents down but look past those times and see the potential in them. There is such potential in all of us and it is so important to have a balcony person in your life cheering you on in no matter what they do in life. Far too many parents put their hopes and dreams on the shoulders of their kids. I just think that is so wrong because we are all made differently. We all have a different thumb print than everyone else and we should live our lives in that uniqueness.

We all have a story to tell and much like our fingerprints, our stories are never the same. Nobody can say that the pain that my brother feels today is exactly like the pain they have been through. Nobody can say that the divorse that my friend went through with her family is the same as your divorse. Nobody can say the loss that I feel with losing my mom is the same as your loss in losing your mom. There is only one who can fully relate and understand. He made himself in the flesh and walked among us and experiences what we experience. He felt pain and grief and tears on his face just like we do. He understands the hardships that life gives us as well as the joys and smiles that we all share as well.
Jesus picked his 12 common, normal, disfunctional folks out that he wanted to pour into. He had and lead our very first small group. Within that group he had his 3 special people that he poured extra into much like we have our 12 friends and we pour into those 3 special extra friends a little bit more. They understand us just a little more in tune than the others but they are all special nonetheless.
Jesus gets very personal, in your face, below the surface. He has a rock solid sense of who he was, and he wanted his followers to know him to the core. Listening to his teaching and admiring his character were not enough. To follow this teacher, his followers were to know him in a deeper way, a way that would change their hearts, their pursuits, their very lives. He wanted to be the center, the joy, the bread and sustenance of their lives. As Jesus continued his ministry, he began to reveal more and more about who he was and why he had come.

Isnt it amazing that for us and in our walk in this life we come to a place where we have to device who Jesus is and what is he to each of us in a very personal way. Even as my brother struggles today with his health, something so many of us take for granted every single day, he is just now beginning to see his life in a bigger picture. Sometimes God uses something like a big surgery for us to pause and really take a closer look. Are we leaving the right footprints for others? Are we leading our lives with significance? Is it time to quit running and hiding from the one who made us? Even in this pain, God uses it for his glory and for changing hearts.
I asked my bro last night - "D, now that you are sitting right here in this moment knowing that your life and those decisions you have made, what would you change?" - "Randy, I would change everything."
I am really thankful that I went yesterday. Maybe now, some healing can begin. Accepting things we cannot change and moving forward. I think except this time, I think someone will be holding his hand and leading the way. As this new walk has begun, He will reveal more and more about who he is and why he had come.

Its for people just like my brother, just like you and just like me. He came for all and not wanting to leave anyone behind.

Lonnie~