Every lonely heart fnids their one true love - and there's no more goodbye and no more not enough.

These are words from Steven Curtis Chapman. They are on my heart this morning as I lean in and seek Gods heart. Its as if Christ is saying - "This is my heart. This is what I get excited about, to see families trust me this much, to tryst me with the unknowns."

Today marks another week that has passed in Kate's therapy. She has 3-4 more weeks left and once again. No Letter. Carol and I are at that place where we are shut out and the past year was a waste of time, money, effort, passion, full of tears and heart break. BUT - there has been much that has been learned. God has shown us so much in this past year - even if things didnt turn out the way we had hoped and prayed for. God has had his hands all this. So what have we gained? We have gained that understanding that God is in control. The past year in our walk with him has brought us closer because we have had to trust him more. We have had to seek Him for answers and He has put people in our lives that have STUCK with us throug it all. Tough times and the good times. This past year has shown me that love is hard sometimes but worth loving through the tough times. It has shown me forgiveness each and every day no matter what.
Just last night, I prayed with one of my closest kids, I forgive and I don't even know what its about - I dont care - I love you that much. Its loving people with Gods heart and not my own.
Yeah, stinks not hearing from Kate with everything that we have been through but its ok. She needs to focus on some things and Carol and I may not be part of that equation right now.
This brings me to Philippians 3:7-11 today:
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
The past year was not a failure. It was such a tough year on me, Carol, Kyle, my rock group family, church family and friends. But through it all, it is not a loss. For we have gained so much more through Christ. When we find ourselves in a desperate place where we respond to God in a different way than our normal way - then our lives become an act of worship. Our hearts become one and we see life with Christ's eyes.
Looking ahead because of the experiences and changed hearts, there will be others to pour into. Because learning how to trust God with the unknown is exactly where he wants us to be.
Out of the ashes
Beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
For we know joy is
coming in the morning

Tough things happen and through love we will get through them.
Lonnie~