I missed it......

"NOWHERE"

This morning finds me in such a hard place. This word became so visible to me the last 4-5 days. There was a lot that has taken place which I won't share any details other than what, how and where God revealed himself in it all. But for the most part - I think I have totally missed it.
I have always been a person that got in there - in the huddle of life - joining others and working as a team when called on to do whatever was asked. Often times working behind the scenes with no or little recognition other than the fact the job got done and it got done well. Problem with a person or family member - people have always called on me to get in there and make the situation right .... even if it wasn't my battle to battle in. God bless the peacemakers.
I think for the past 8 months now I have it all wrong. I am questioning my prayer life in terms: "do I have it all backwards God?" I have always been a praying machine... sometimes it feels like I am praying all the time. Not in some big fashion boastful way for people to see,,, I really dont like that at all to be honest but small prayers all during the day. Moments of "Thank You God" ~ "Be with me as I walk into this meeting" ~ "Help me see you this morning Lord" ~ "Lord make me a better person and have more patience and compassion for the things of your heart Lord" ~ "Lord one of mykids is hurting today please be with them" ..... its just the way I am.
The past month or so ... I am just feeling like the specific prayers I am lifting to our Father are just not working. I know God hears them, He is listening as He does with all His children. Maybe its not enough of my heart. Maybe its just that I have not been to that place God needs me to be in order to answer them - YET. I do know I trust God with all I have and He will reveal the answers and the paths for me and for the things, people and situations that I am lifting to Him. Its His timing and not mine so until that time comes ... buckle in and stay the course. Don't stop praying.... pray the more.
I have always been one to fix things, to go to the hard places, to get involved, to want to do whatever I could do to make a difference. Often times those are messy places.
I am helpless today.
My next choice, the next move and the next decision is a tough one, a life changing one ...... and I am totally helpless in making that decision. I think this is where God wants me to be. My prayers are solely on His shoulders and not my own. Not on my own power, my own fix and my own strategy .... then pray for God to help me through it and thank Him afterwards.
I think God wants me helpless in all this so that He can direct me, humble me, guide me, love me through it and lead me. He knows my heart and He knows He will get the glory because of who I am and how much I love him.
Like little children - their faith is strong because they believe and rely on their Father for everything....little children are mostly helpless and can't do much for themselves.
Prayer is an expression of who we are.
I think about the people I have studied in the Bible who were helpless when they came to Jesus. The Samaritan woman with no water, an official who's son had no health and was sick, the crippled man near the pool who needed help into the water, the man who had friends rip the roof off to lower him down to Jesus for him to be healed... the blind man with no sight and Lazurus who lost his life. Helplessness is often times how as Christians we must lead our lives. We have to rely and lean on God...its how it works. 2 Corinthians Paul prayed to God to remove this thorn from his flesh and God told him that His grace is sufficient for him, for his power is made perfect in our weakness.
We can't do life on our own. Prayer mirrors the gospel and our Father takes us as we are because of Jesus. IN Prayer~ we receive the gift of salvation and even though we think everything is wrong with us.... God looks at the adequacy of his Son and delights in our sloppy and meandering ADD prayers. Its the heart that God is wanting to see, to hear and to know.
I want to be a strong Christian. I want to pray more.... and I think strong Christians do pray more than baby Christians only because they realize how weak we really are. Weakness gives us access to Gods grace. Baby Christians have little need to pray like strong Christians do because they see themselves differently. Their prayer life is a "fit in" to their schedules.
John 15:5 - "Apart from me you can do nothing". - That pretty much sums it up for me today.
I can't raise my kids alone. Even as a perfect parent, doing everything correct and going above and beyond - I can't get into the hearts of my kids. Thats why I need to pray more. I need to put prayer first before my parenting, before my example, before me doing anything....

It sometimes takes suffering to learn how to pray.

I will close today not knowing what to say, what to pray for and let my heart just be in Gods hands. My words are insufficient as I babble on not knowing what it all means....... tears, sighs and emotions are speaking today and I am thankful God hears and understands it all even when I don't have words to share.
Romans 8:26
26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

So what word do you see in "NOWHERE" - is God "No Where" to be seen or is he "Now Here"?
Lonnie~