May 15th is one of those days that will be forever in my heart. See, its my moms birthday. She would have been 64 today. Only 64 ... robbed of the many years ahead into retirement and growing old with my dad, getting to see grandkids being raised, birthdays and teeth falling out - so much she missed out on. For many reasons mom fought hard not to leave. She put up a fight that I never knew she had in her. For a little frame woman - she was the strongest person I have ever known. With all that inner strength and the love she had for others - she had such a soft and tender side about her. Her very nature was about serving others, making sure every one was happy and putting others first. She endured a lot in her time here... a tough childhood and upbringing but that was never talked about as she raised my brother and I. She instilled in us both so many great qualities and some memories of so many great things and experiences. My love for Elvis is still with me... my love of laughter and joking around ... my love for people and really caring for them... I can communicate so much with just a smile. Thanks mom for passing down these great qualities.
Today, I find myself not sad at all. Yes it has been 3 years now since you having to leave but it is ok. I find myself joyful in the fact that heaven is your home now and that is a place that is in my destiny as is many of the people that I love dearly - family, friends, church peeps - I am more alive today because of your sacrifice and for your cancer than I ever have been. Jesus has to use your sickness to bring me to a place where He alone could touch and change my heart. I am serving HARD mom to reach others for Him. If He can use me like He is today - He can use so many others. I know you would be proud of what I am doing today and the things God has led me to do. I just can't seem to get enough of Him... I can't seem to get enough of the things that are important to His heart. The great thing about it is the people that He has put in my life to invest in. All "MyKids" at school and at Sunday School and their families - our Rock Group kids and their families.... They all touch my heart in such an awesome way. I just can't seem to get enough of them and I pray for those opportunities to pour into them. Today I had lunch at one of the schools and had lunch with a few kids from church. I will tell you the rush that is felt when they see me and the smile it produces is just priceless. It is making a difference in this ministry that I have been given and trusted with. Sure there have been some hard times with this but its all for Gods purposes and for His glory mom .... He keeps me going.
You know I miss you - I look forward to telling you again in person that I love you. Kyle and Carol miss you and love you. Kyle continues to talk about banana pudding ... :)
I know your birthday is special today in heaven. You are celebrating like we can't even imagine down here. Cake is probably fattening, Sun-Drop is not this diet crap we have to drink here and I am sure the coffee is just perfect. I have some more work to do mom - I have to get done the things that God has instructed me with. "My Promise" is still written on my heart and even though I may not get the chance all that much these days to preach Jesus to dad - I honestly believe he is getting it. Neila is a great God loving and God honoring woman. I am very thankful for her in so many ways. This afternoon we are headed to the cabin until tomorrow night. Carol, Kyle, Morgan, Taylor and I will be spending some time together. Mom you never met Morgan and Taylor ... I know why now that God only blessed Carol with 1 child - We have so many more to invest in now - so many daughters and sons that we love like our own. I am feeling more blessed than any other time in my life. I have to say that even cancer can bring glory and honor to God .... if the person knows Jesus. I am thankful that you did....... otherwise I think this page would have been blank and my eyes would be full of tears.
You are alive more than ever today mom - I miss you, love you and can't wait to see you when its that time. Until then ... I got it under control mom ... taking care of details as I promised you. It will be great when I can finally hand those word back to you. Job complete....... I pray I get to hear Jesus say - Job well done too~
I will close with Psalm 100 - which we read together for months and I take such great comfort in these words.
Psalm 100
A psalm. For giving thanks.
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his [a] ; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.
Always your son,
Randy
1 comment:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS! I'm thinking that maybe our "birthday" in Heaven is the day we got our new birth. If that is the case Sis, you got your new birth July 16, 2005. That is the day Randy took you to see Pastor Jimmy and you saved the kleenex with "God & Jimmy, 7/16/05" written on a plastic baggie with the tear stained kleenex tissue inside of it. I will never forget the day that me & Lonnie found it in the drawer of the nightstand there beside the bed shortly after you passed away, or should I say shortly after you started your new life.
Today, like Randy said in his blog, I'm somehow not as sad as I was afraid I would be, it's like "Hey Sis, you've got yours done, I've still got mine to go" meaning I've got to go that route too and maybe shortly. I pray I can be as strong as you were Sis, it is so amazing how strong you were. I know you didn't want to go no more I wanted you to. But you always did do what you had to do. When you made up your mind that it had to be done, you did it! And I know after you got there you were glad. For some funny reason I keep thinking about the time in Jersey when the car caught on fire. Me, You, Scott, and Craig I think were driving along, they were little, and the car started smoking, when we got out and got the hood open it started blazing. You were hysterical, I calmly went to a house and asked if I could have a bucket of water and would they call the fire department. You went all to pieces. But we made it through it. And then the day it rained to flooding and we were in your little red Honda and water was over the wheels, you were crying and screaming and I was calmly saying, "Sis, just don't stop go on through you can see the pavement on the other side of the big water running across the road, just don't stall, keep going it will be ok" you were absolutely shaking and screaming. Once agin we got through it. Time and time again stuff happened, when Lonnie fell off the roof, when he had the catherization and almost died, you were beside yourself with worry, then Buster with cancer, you worried so about him. You worried so about Scott all his life, you were so worried when I had cancer and then the other operations, you kept saying "It's bad isn't it". I said not really, it will be ok.
Then when you got sick, and nothing seemed ok, but you were so, so strong. I said inside "It's so bad, God, don't let this happen, please God, for me, do this for me Lord please." But....it happened anyway. You calmly held yourself together as I shook with fear and heartache, as I was hysterical with confusion and anger. You said "it's all in God's hands" as you fought and declared you wanted to live. As I cried "God take me instead of her" you said "Sis, being together is something money can't buy," and "There's no place like home". You calmly asked Randy to promise to keep the family together and take care of all of us. And, we got through it. It didn't seem like we would, God even helped me through all of my anger, when I didn't want to hear anyone talk about healing anymore. I was so angry. it seemed like life was over. But.......your life was just beginning. No more heartache and tears, no more pain, and radiation, no more not being able to walk, no more trying to please everyone and worrying, no more nightmares about the things you had to endure growing up, no more....no more.....no more. Only peace and sunshine and so much love. What beautiful flowers must be there in Heaven, oh, how you loved flowers and birds.
I will miss you always Sis, and you will always be to me an inspiration. I will never say that I can't do anything, you proved to me that I can do anything, I can do anything that you could. And....I know when it's my time, I will make it through....just like you did. And you will be there waiting and watching for me, just like we agreed on before you left.
I love you, Sis, and I am ok. I am happy that you don't have to worry about me anymore like you used to. God is leading my life and I know you are watching and smiling......
Happy Birthday Sis, you will live eternally,with Jesus holding your hand.
My love always,
Sharon
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