Have a new kid by Friday - part 2

Is anyone interested in reading this? I am being blown away by what I am learning. Hope this is helpful to you and your parenting abilities..... this is part 2 - Part 3 - you are going to have to hang on for ....its a big one!
Think about yourself as you read this as well as who in your life this applies to ... friends, coworkers neighbors etc...
enjoy.....
Lonnie~

Part 2:
*What your children think about you at any one particular moment isn’t necessarily what they will think about you for life. If you are calm, you are consistent, and you always do what you say you’re going to, you will earn their respect and trust. BUT – it won’t happen with a snap of your fingers.
*If you want something, start with the end in mind. In other words, if you want your child to be kind, teach your child to be kind now. If you want your child to be a responsible adult, teach him responsibility now. If you want your child to enjoy spending time with you, start now in setting aside non-pressured time to spend with her instead of getting caught up in the rat race of constant activity.
*If you want your child to be a healthy, well-adjusted adult, you need to realize just how important you are in the picture. Your child needs not only your attention but also a relationship with you.

*What kind of parent are you? – So often people say, “I never wanted to be like my parents. I hated the way they parented. But then I open my mouth and sound just like them. And I act like it too.” This just goes to show that what parents model – STICKS – and sticks well.

A Permissive Parent:
· Is a slave to the child
· Places the priority on the child, not on his or her spouse
· Robs the child of self-respect and self-esteem by doing things for her that the child can do for herself
· Provides the child with the “Disneyland” experience; makes things as easy as possible – does homework for the child, answers for her etc…
· Invites rebellion with inconsistent parenting
An Authoritarian Parent:
· Makes all the decisions for the child
· Uses reward and punishment to control the child behavior
· Sees himself as better than the child
· Runs the home with an iron hand, grants little freedom

An Authoritative Parent:
· Gives the child choices and formulates guidelines with him
· Provides the child with decision – making opportunities
· Develops consistent, loving discipline
· Holds the child accountable
· Lets reality be the teacher
· Conveys respect, self-worth, and love to the child and therefore enhances the child’s self esteem

*The truth is, both extremes will cause children to rebel. With a permissive parent, there are no guidelines, and children flounder. With the authoritarian parent, everything is heavy-handed. *The wise parent finds the middle ground

*The authoritative parent is majoring on the relationship and minoring on everything else.

*You can’t run a family by rules if there is no connection between family members. Your children will know that no matter what they say, do, or look like, you’ll be playing judge and jury. If that’s the way your home is run, no wonder you get knee-jerk reactions every time you try to talk with your kids.

*Talking with your children about the little things means that they will be more likely to talk with you about the big things.

*Your children need to know that you are on their team – that no matter what they do, you love them.

*Children need to develop the ability to make good life decision – good age-appropriate choices.
Being happy all the time isn’t real life, and you’re not being fair to your child if you’re providing a continual Disneyland experience. If you are a permissive parent, you need to stand up and be a parent instead of trying to be your child’s friend and make them happy.

*The goal of every parent should be to raise independent thinkers who have healthy respect for themselves and others.

*Parents, how much do you care? How much do you want to be bothered? What kind of foundation are you building for your children? What kind of lies are you teaching through your parenting style? How are you preparing them for the future? Start with the end in mind, and keep the focus on your relationship, not on rules.

*Expect the best, Get the best - Every child lives up to the expectation you have for them.

*There is a big difference between children “feeling good” about themselves (self-esteem) and true self-worth. Many parents today are so concerned about their childs self-esteem that they are raising feel-good children: they have to feel good about themselves and everything they do. You wouldn’t want any waves on her ocean of life, right? Making a child feel good is easy. Just give them everything they want, when they want it. But if you do, that little sucker takes over and turns into an adolescent BIG sucker. They will be giving you a run for your money that could last well into their 20’s and 30’s. Mom and dad get stuck in their roles when the child is an adult that should be stepping up to the plate.

*Feeling good is a temporary thing. It’s based on feelings, and those change from moment to moment. A child can feel good about getting a toy he wants, but self-worth is established when the child works hard for a toy, earns that toy, and truly can call it his own. By providing the types of experiences where children pull their weight and learn responsibility and accountability, you are establishing a healthy self-worth.