I really had to think about doing this blog entry this morning or later today. I know as I begin to type this and let my heart and mind flush out onto this screen, I will be a mess afterwards and I am at work.... wont be good but I know how my mom was a morning person and I guess I got that from her but my dad takes credit for that too since he was a morning person as well. I love the mornings above all other times during the day.
It has been 2 years and 82 days since you left mom to be with Jesus.... Every day I have missed you and I wish every day I have felt you. I don't know if this day will ever be any easier and there is meaning when people say - I would give anything to have another chance to just sit and talk - another chance to hug you again - another chance to hear you laugh. The reality is - we all will have to give everything to be able to do that. We will all have to leave here (this earth) and leave everything behind but the reward will be to see you again and even more important is to be with Jesus like we have never experienced Him with our time here on earth.
What would I say if I could take 30 minutes this afternoon and spend with you? That question has been on my mind pretty heavy the last few days.
I would tell you -
Mom you look awesome - look how pretty you are. Is heaven as awesome as I have been told? How is grandpa Joe? How is WALT and Mary Lou!? -Is RK there with you? Dad is fine - he has his doctors appointment today and finds out his test results. He is still having problems with his heart and is not feeling good - he was in the ER over the weekend and is worried. I want so bad to ask him if he really knows. Knows that if eternity came today that he would be in heaven with you. I too need to know that answer. I wish I saved that napkin mom where I wrote "I Promise" on it when you were in the hospital and kicked everyone out - but demanded that I stayed. You asked me to take care of the family and to make sure you got to see dad and everyone else again. You knew where you were going as I did too. God revealed to me early on that your earthly body was going to pass away but the miracle was you were going to be healed in heaven. It was not what I wanted but what I had to accept. It made my walk with Jesus that much more clear and defined - I was filled with Gods peace and understanding and the more I asked the Lord to walk with me and teach me the more He revealed to me. I really came to know Jesus in a personal way because of you.
Romans 8:28 tell us that we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose.
Mom I think as my 30 minutes were ticking away, I would let you do most of the talking. I would let you just tell me about Heaven, about what its like to be with Jesus in person every single day, I would let you tell me that everyday is your birthday in Heaven and how everyday is a celebration away from hurt, guilt, heartache, pain and struggles. I would close with telling you how awesome your grandson Kyle is. How he led Walt to accept Jesus. How good in school he is and how he serves Jesus at church and how he reaches out to other kids in amazing ways. I would tell you that Carol is amazing and our relationship has grown closer because of Jesus and we are teaching Sunday school together. I would tell you that I don't have just one son - I have so many sons and daughters that I am just blessed beyond anything I could ever imagine. I know you would have loved to come to church with us and spend an evening with our Rock Group families and see some of "MyKids" for yourself and see what God has done in our lives and the new direction He has taken us. How I long for others to know this direction and to have other folks in their lives to walk with them, to love them and pray with them - to do life with.
Mom you were an amazing woman. A woman who always did what she said she was going to do, who served others way before serving yourself, who always knew what to say and to always be there for others when they needed you. You didn't have a mean bone in your body and your time here on earth was way too short. But I know in all my heart God used you to show himself to those around you. My walk with Christ has been strengthened because of you. I was there that Saturday morning in our church office with Pastor Jimmy when you rededicated your life to Jesus. It was an amazing moment and not one I will ever forget. Those moments gave you the strength and courage to do what what needed in those tough months and days ahead.
You were a fighter and went down swinging but all through it - You shown the light of God to all around you. You taught many things in the last months you were with us here about God and I am so proud of you.
In my last few minutes of our getting together today.... I would pray with you and tell you I love you. I will see you when its my time mom but until then - there is much work to do. God has called me to reach out to "MyKids" who I am responsible for and love with all my heart and for the families I am doing life with.... to serve them in every way I can. I know without any doubt you would be proud of me - proud of Carol and Kyle for their part in Gods plan. I can't even begin to explain how much Aunt Sharon misses you and how much dad misses you. Dad has been searching to redefine himself and part of him left when you had to leave. I do believe that God is working on his heart.
Galations 2:20
20 My old self has been crucified with Christ.[a] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
I will see you soon mom~ until then I will continue to press through the hard things that you left in my trust on that napkin - "I Promise". God is with me on that assignment and I am thankful for that because it would be too big for me to do alone. Aint that just the perfect plan that God has put together - doing something bigger than we are so that we ask Him for help and rely totally upon Him. Your passing was part of His perfect plan........
Happy Birthday Momma - tell everyone hey!
Randy~
1 comment:
Thank you Randy for the blog this morning about your momma. This is a very hard day for me, seems the tears won't quit this morning. The picture was so beautiful of her. I miss your momma so, so very badly. She was so much more to me than a sister, she was and always will be my best friend. My whole life has changed without her. But still, as you say, it was in God's perfect plan for her to go on. We don't understand and we are not even supposed to, all I know is when she left for Heaven she changed my life, all things are different. Even my view of Heaven has changed. Instead of a someday thing, it is a constant thought on my mind. And I know one day she will meet me there as I cross over. I pray I can show the same strength that she did when my time comes. She taught me so much in life, as she was always there for me, if not in person, on the phone, and always in my thoughts. She would know what I was thinking as I would know her thoughts. Now with her gone on to Heaven, she is still teaching me, I know I have so much more to learn before I go. She set the example for me. I watched her day by day as her time drew near and saw her strength. She died in the same strength that she lived.
I will always miss her and long to see her again. I miss her voice saying I love you so much Sis and her smile and her encouragement. I miss her hand in mine and her laughter. Part of me is missing, part of me went on with her. But one day when God says for me to come on home, we will be together again, but until then there are things left for me to do here.
I delight in keeping her memory alive. It is a part of me and thank you Randy for allowing me to stay close to you, you are so much like her, she, like you, would do anything for anyone in need. And feel good about it.
Thanks for all you are to me
I love you so much
Aunt Sharon
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