Tuesday - I welcomed you this morning even though I needed a little extra sleep and this morning I woke in a fog and still groggy. I woke with my arm hurting this morning, my back on the right side and I think honestly, I was so exhausted yesterday that last nights sleep - I did not even move. Is that even possible? gosh...hurts getting old.

Yesterday for many reasons was a tough day. A drive up to King in the morning with miss Carol to attend our neighbors funeral for her mom. A long battle with cancer and I could see that my friend Cassie, her relief has come knowing her moms battle is over and she now has peace. I am thankful for that and for her mom living a full life, surrounded by family, friends and faith. It doesnt make the loss any less but it does bring us through at a different level. The other funeral was for a 19 year old boy in the community who was killed in a auto accident. The church was packed with grieving family and friends. Its as if most of the community was touched by this tragic accident. The loss of a life at a young age - gosh I couldnt even think about putting my feet in his parents shoes.
Its easy to focus on the loss today instead of the bright sun, the normal lives that others have today as for some - their lives will be paused, stuck and seeming like their lives are over. Its a tough place for sure but God is in those moments ahead just as he is in the moments right now. Hard to focus on those moments when they are so hard to get through. I grieve so much for those families and all who were touched by this and who will continue to be what seems like - "Left behind". My prayers will continue to be with you and your families.

With a tough start to today, a lot going on this week, completely exhausted yesterday - I find myself kinda in a down place today. Not very encouraged but doing my best to muster up some of it, looking for someone to help me with that and really - sometimes, isnt that all we need to boost us up? I know God is for me, has big plans but often times we overlook the BIG when we are in the SMALL.
I think I have lost another contact with one of my close kids. It sucks and I had a big part in their walk with Christ and I am hoping this is just a few weeks of tough times for this student. Its tough having a church full of them ripped from your life and I know focusing on the ones that remain, I am so thankful for but even those who are barely hanging on - I wish I had access to cheer them on to hang in there. To continue their walk with Christ but sometimes those roads must part for whatever reasons.
I have an interview tonight that I am a little nervous about. I know God has this and He is on top of it and in his hands and if this is something He wants me to do, then it will happen. What is there to be nervous about? I think partly its because I am hard on myself. I question myself often times and the past haunts me at times with things that have happened TO me. It questions where, how and why ... its normal I guess because we all go through these things.
I know God has a plan in this and if He wants me to be part of something much bigger than I have now, if what was ripped from my hands and my heart is much better in the next steps - then I totally understand it! I think we all need a little encouragement sometimes to focus bigger, to zero in on the task at hand and not let fear or the unknown bog us down and discourage us.
Romans - 8: 5-8 - Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that Gods spirit in them - living and breathing God. Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self ignores God, end up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God is not pleased at being ignored.

God is not in middle school. As I noticed the changes that Facebook has made -I am really thinking about not using it anymore other than to make events or update it with Twitter just to get newsfeeds on it. I really hate the drama. I really hate the ads that seem to have made their way all over the Facebook wall feed. I really think about the folks on there with the LMS for a post, a paragraph, a comment, a something! Who cares. Who cares if someone likes your status and then you write how pretty they are, how nice they are or how whatever! Nobody is going to really say anything bad and people are looking for positive encouragement -they need to be told by many that they are pretty, they are cool, they are loved and best friends forever.
Gosh, I think about how encourage the close students in my life. They need those words of encouragement because they dont receive much of it today - school and at home its totally upside down. They are always being told they mess us, not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough and what were you thinking?!!!!
I tell them all the time that I love them. There is no question if anyone asks or if they need to hear it - I tell them. I LOVE YOU.
I also tell them I am proud of them. NO matter if they did great on something or got 100% on their exams ... I am proud of them. Give me, give you your best effort even if things dont work out so well or perfectly each time. I am proud of you!
I dont think people need to accept their role in life by another mean middle school student who shouts they are not measuring up. GOd has created you so shine that smile! I remember when Kyle was small I use to tell him he was hansom and smart and yes he still is but I think in his younger days - he believed it more because now he is looking for acceptance from outside his parents. But then, it was Kyle saying he was smart - that he was hansom and could do anything in the world because HE KNEW his daddy was behind him.
What if we all were like that?
What if we all walked with our chin up and confident in our current moment to say - my daddy told me so. My daddy being our heavenly father?
No more being discouraged, no more listening to others telling you that your fat, stupid, slow on the football field, not good enough - but what if we plugged into the power of what our Heavenly father uses in his words over our lives?
My daddy told me I was pretty. My daddy told me I was smart. My daddy said I can have the audacity to believe big dreams that can come true! My daddy said I am loved by a perfect father.

Romans 8:9 - BUt if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. Anyone, of course, who has not welcomed this invisible but clearly present God, the Spirit of Christ, wont know what we're talking about. BUt for you who wlecome him, in who he dwells - even though you still experience all the limitations of sin - you yourself experience life on Gods terms. It stands to reason, doesnt it, that if the alive and present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he will do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus) you are delieverd from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be alive as Christs! So dont you see that we dont owe this old do -it -yourself life on red cent. Theres nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent buriel and get on with your new life. Gods spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!

I needed this message today as God spoke it to me to write and opening my Bible to this chapter - perfectly! I needed it just as someone out there needed it who is reading this. Dont look back. Let the past live in the past and brace hold of what is in front of you. Dont be in fear and let God handle the details. If its his will there will be nothing to stop it - the doors will open, the people will come into your life who need to be there in this season of time ...
DONT LOOK BACK!