I have to be honest this morning - My mom has been heavy on my heart the last few days. I noticed this morning that my everyday "Good Morning Mom" has not happened in a few weeks since my route to work has changed due to road construction. For those who don't know the story - a few days after my mom passed I went back to work and during my ride in that morning, it was raining so hard - couldn't hardly see through the windshield and I screamed asking for a sign mom - tell me everything is ok and you are ok. The rain stopped right around my vehicle - the sun came out and shined right where I was - I could see the cars still going down the road and it was raining big time still but it was not where I was! It was a defining moment and a clear sign for me to know mom was ok. I will never forget that morning - ever.

I know the Lord was preparing me long before my mom even got sick with the things He was bringing me through and testing me on. I think that if the Lord would have come to me and told me that He was going to take my mom, I would have went kicking and screaming and my answer would have been "NO WAY." But see God sent His son Jesus to die for us - to die for my mom and for me and for you - so why would my answer change what God is needing to do. I can honestly say that it took my mom for me to really understand "Faith" - to really bring me to where I am today - to really have a personal relationship with Jesus. I have always thought that God would use my moms passing to bring others in my family to Him. I really question that the last few months and I really don't want to. I struggle everyday with the loss of my mom and the status of my family today. My promises to my mom hang on me like the heaviest weight you can imagine but I know I am doing everything I can possibly do and all I have left is to raise my family in prayer to Jesus. I know He can do what I cannot.

Mom - you were the glue to hold everything together. I know not everyone sees things the way I do and my heart is my heart and not theirs. My priorities in life are different than many today - Sometimes I feel like I am in isolation and I am on the outside looking in - into a giant mess of what we call our lives. Yes it is complicated and tough - I know things now that you sheltered me from my entire life and I am thankful for that but I don't know what to do or even how to lead - or even if I should lead or to speak truth or to fall back and hide in the shadows. How do I do that lovingly but yet be affective?

Hard times we will face again - The Lord is my foundation and if I have to stand alone - I will - but I know the Lord will stand with me. Carol, Kyle and my church family will stand with me because Jesus is their rock and it's because of Him - I have this support group - people to lean on and do this life together.

Today - my prayers are for you. To know Jesus and to drop what you are thinking others might think of you if you accept Jesus. All that matters is what God thinks - not people- Are you living the life He has planned for you? Are you living up to His expectations? I believe with all my heart - he used my mom to reach many in my family and in those around me -To use me for His purposes to reach others and to make a difference in the lives of others. I would still tell God "No" if I had a choice but I know deep in my heart that the bigger picture is with Him. Its through Christ - everything matters. Glory to God with all honor and praise......

Along with Christ - my mom has given me a defining moment in life that has turned everything upside down - and rooted in truth.

Randy~

Even through music - and Kenny Chesney - God is speaking..... we just have to learn to listen and to TUNE in with what God is trying to say to us.

Kenny Chesney - Never Wanted Nothing More

One Sunday I listened to the preacher and i knew he was preaching to me

I couldn’t help it I walked up front and I got down on my knees
Right then and there I swearI changed when I found the Lord

Glory Hallelujah Good God Almighty

I never wanted nothing more no i never wanted nothing more